I'm writing this on the 27 at 06:55, so keep that in mind.

I fell asleep yesterday the second I came home. I was so tired. I went back to my high school to practice for my jazz ensemble audition (which is today) and practiced for a good 6 hours. I was there from 10:30 to 16:30 or 17:30. I'm not too sure.

I was and still am so nervous about this audition. I want to go back on vacation and not have to face school right now. I'm terrified about not getting into this ensemble. I'm so scared. I kept waking up as I attempted to sleep and all I heard every time I woke up were the pieces I have to play today. I really want to cry right now, but I can't. I have to stay positive and it's so hard. I don't know if I can memorize this piece by 14:00 today. I'm still unsure on if this guy wanted the piece done by ear or if he wanted it to be improv. I'm really worried and I'm not even ready for this semester yet.

As much as part of me would like to crawl under my covers and just think this is all a bad dream, I can't. I have to make sure I have everything I need, go to the college, sit through the classes, work very hard, and practice the hell out of those two pieces. Wish me luck. I should be able to come back knowing if I'm in the ensemble or not. I hope I am and if I'm not... I'll just have to try again, right?

Note: Sometimes the thing you hate the most or are the most afraid of will come back to test you again. I was never good at improvisation and it made me a self-insulting wreck. Now it's about half a year later and I have to audition based on improvisation. You can't run away from anything in life.