I should've been happy that today was my last day of class, but I wasn't. I couldn't feel it.

I was still worried about failing, turning in stuff that's due Thursday, doing finals, all of that.

This is another late post so everything that should be written probably won't be.

Along with that, I remembered something that I literally made myself forget. It explains all the voices I hear saying "you're ugly", "you're not good enough", "you're stupid", and "it's all your fault". I remember that I would have nightmares ever since I was 5 where these voices were all I heard. When I woke up, I'd be crying or I would start to cry. It was terrible. My subconscious took all the negative things relatives and kids were telling me and then put it into the voices in my nightmares. I didn't have people around me. I was always alone so a lot of things went on in my mind which is where the mental problems started to develop. How was I supposed to know what interacting with people was like unless I did it? I never really got that chance. I was isolated from people for years. I didn't have actual friends until I was about 15. All that time passed.

After my grandmother passed away, almost two years now when I was horridly stressed from college, everything came back and hit full force. It was there before, but not to this intensity. It's something new I'm dealing with, and I'm starting to see how to fight it, but it's amazing to notice how much I've been holding in. I never knew I tried to erase part of my life. I can tell what events happened for almost every year of my life, but I can't remember when I was 5.

The voices in my head were hard to determine from my own voice so right now I'm in the process of finally finding out who I am. This was supposed to happen as I was growing up, but my creativity and personality were stifled.

Note: Determine "the voices" from your own voice. Find yourself.