Well this is a change. I've finally made a post on the date it's labeled under. Nice.

Sadly, I haven't made much improvement in the past couple of days. I've been crying 2-5 times a day, stuck in bed, feeling sluggish, having self-harming thoughts (as in saying I'm stupid, my life is terrible, etc.), and I haven't been able to do any work. I haven't been in school for some time now. I believe the last time I went was on the 18th of November.

I usually don't go into such states of depression so this is actually pretty terrifying for me. I'm scared I won't get out of it. On top of that, I don't know how to get rid of it. It's all in my head and you can't escape yourself so it becomes pretty scary to deal with. I just have to keep going and put myself together little by little.

I know I'm told that I should cry more and talk to people more, but I've seen that ever since that day, I've just gotten worse. This has to be the worst I've ever been. It can go right next to my suicidal stage. It's hard for other people to understand me so when they try to say something to it or if they don't react to it or if I even slightly feel they're upset or annoyed with me, I'll tumble down and hit rock bottom. That's why I avoid it. I ALWAYS hit rock bottom HARD.

I know I have to start trusting people, but if I keep testing the water and I continuously get burned by it, there's not much I can do.

Note: It's complicated for the person dealing with mental issues to be able to understand them, so it's even harder to go to others about it.